Thursday, January 29, 2009
During work, Raman and Narayan were chatting:
Raman: Narain, I've been attending night classes for 5 months now and I
have an exam next week.
Raman: For example, do you know who is Graham Bell?
Raman: He's the inventor of the phone in 1876; if you take night Courses
you would know this.
The next day, the same discussion took place:
Raman: Do you know who Alexander Dumas is?
Raman: He's the author of "The 3 Musketeers", if you take night courses,
you would know this.
The next day, once again:
Raman: And do you know who Jean Jacques Rousseau is?
Raman: He's the author of "Confessions", if you take night courses, you
would know this.
This time, Narayan got irritated and said: And you, do you know who is
Narayan: He's the guy roaming with your wife!! If you stop night
courses, you would know.
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
Sunday, January 25, 2009
The phone rings.
The lady of the house answers, "Yes?
Mrs. Ward, please."
"Mrs. Ward, this is Doctor Jones at the Medical Testing Laboratory. When your
Doctor sent your husband's samples to the lab, the samples from another Mr.
Ward were sent as well and we are now uncertain which one is your husband's.
Frankly, it is either bad or terrible."
"What do you mean?" Mrs. Ward asks.
"Well, one Mr. Ward has tested positive for Alzheimers disease (related to
memory) and the other for AIDS. We can't tell which your husband's is"
"That's terrible! Can we do the test over?" questions Mrs. Ward.
"Normally, yes. But Medicare won't pay for these expensive tests more than
"Well, what am I supposed to do now?"
"The people at Medicare recommend that you drop your husband off in the middle
of town. If he finds his way home, don't sleep with him."
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
If you purchased Rs1,00,000 of Delta Airlines stock 1 year ago, you would have Rs 4,900 today.
If you purchased Rs1,00,000 of AIG stock 1 year ago, you would have Rs 3,300 today.
If you purchased Rs1,00,000of Lehman Brothers stock 1 year ago, you would have Rs 0.0 today.
But, if you purchased Rs1,00,000 worth of beer 1 year ago, drank all the beer, returned the aluminum cans for a recycling, you would have Rs. 10,400!!!
Saturday, January 17, 2009
Friday, January 16, 2009
A Mom comes to visit her son Kumar for dinner..... who lives with a room mate, a girl named Sunita. During the course of the meal, his mother couldn't help but notice how pretty Kumar's roommate was.
She had long been suspicious of a relationship between the two, and this had only made her more curious. Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between Kumar and his roommate than met the eye. Reading his mom's thoughts, Kumar volunteered, "I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, Sunita and I are just roommates."
About a week later, Sunita came to Kumar saying, "Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the silver chutney jar. You don't suppose she took it, do you? "Kumar said, "Well, I doubt it, but I'll email her, just to be sure."
So he sat down and wrote:
I'm not saying that you 'did' take the chutney jar from my house, I'm not saying that you 'did not' take the chutney Jar. But the fact remains that it has been missing ever since you were here for dinner.
Several days later, Kumar received an email from his Mother which read:
I'm not saying that you 'do' sleep with Sunita, and I'm not saying that you 'do not' sleep with Sunita. But the fact remains that if she was sleeping in her OWN bed, she would have found the chutney jar by now under the pillow!
Lesson : Don't Lie to Your Mother - especially if she is Indian!
Thursday, January 15, 2009
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
A man checked into a hotel. There was a computer in his room,
so he decided to send an e-mail to his wife.
However, he accidentally typed a wrong e-mail address, and without
realizing his error, he sent the e-mail.
Meanwhile....Somewhere in Houston , a widow had just returned from her
husband's funeral. The widow decided to check her e-mail, expecting condolence
messages from relatives and friends.
After reading the first message, she fainted. The
widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and
saw the computer screen which read:
To: My Loving Wife
Subject: I've Reached
Date: 16 May 2004
I know you're surprised to hear from me. They gave computers here,
and we are allowed to send e-mails to loved ones.
I've just reached and have been checked in.
I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow.
Thursday, January 8, 2009
Wednesday, January 7, 2009
Three guys respectively from Kottayam, Malappuram and Thrissur went for an Auction (Lelam) at Dubai.
Three of them cant catch that Auction, and they are calling their home:
Oh enna prayanaa nne, mudinja oru lelavayirunnu, njan 10,000 thinu vilichappo avan 20,000 thinu vilichu,
angane poyi poyi avasanam njan angu ittechu ponnenne.........
Telephone charge AED:20
Malappuram Guy : uppaa
Yenthoru odukkathe lelam aanu? ooru 10,000 thinu vilichappa njammal 20,000 thinu vilich,
pinnem aa vedakk pidichon ketti vilichu, pinne njammale kshama kettu,njammal ingadu ponnu........
Telephone charge AED:15
At last , the Thrissur Guy:
LELAM OOMBEETAAAAAA !!!!
Telephone charge AED:2.50.
Monday, January 5, 2009
Note from Apple CEO Steve Jobs
Dear Apple Community,
For the first time in a decade, I'm getting to spend the holiday season with my family, rather than intensely preparing for a Macworld keynote.
Unfortunately, my decision to have Phil [Schiller, senior vice president of marketing] deliver the Macworld keynote set off another flurry of rumors about my health, with some even publishing stories of me on my deathbed.
I've decided to share something very personal with the Apple community so that we can all relax and enjoy the show tomorrow.
As many of you know, I have been losing weight throughout 2008. The reason has been a mystery to me and my doctors. A few weeks ago, I decided that getting to the root cause of this and reversing it needed to become my #1 priority.
Fortunately, after further testing, my doctors think they have found the cause--a hormone imbalance that has been "robbing" me of the proteins my body needs to be healthy. Sophisticated blood tests have confirmed this diagnosis.
The remedy for this nutritional problem is relatively simple and straightforward, and I've already begun treatment. But, just like I didn't lose this much weight and body mass in a week or a month, my doctors expect it will take me until late this spring to regain it. I will continue as Apple's CEO during my recovery.
I have given more than my all to Apple for the past 11 years now. I will be the first one to step up and tell our board of directors if I can no longer continue to fulfill my duties as Apple's CEO. I hope the Apple community will support me in my recovery and know that I will always put what is best for Apple first.
So now I've said more than I wanted to say, and all that I am going to say, about this.
Sunday, January 4, 2009
The tradition of using a baby to signify the New Year was started
around 600 B.C by the ancient Greeks, who, at the start of a year
would carry a baby around in a basket. The purpose of it was to honor
Dionysus, the God of Fertility and symbolize his annual rebirth.
The New Year in Scotland is called Hogmanay. The people in Scotland
follow a ritual that appears nutty but actually has a great
significance. One can find barrels of tar set afire and gradually
rolled down the streets in the villages of Scotland. This ritual
symbolizes that the old year is burned up and New Year is going to
3) Burning "Mr. Old Year"
In Columbia, Cuba and Puerto Rico families stuff a life-size male doll
with things and then they dress it up in old clothes from each family
member. At the stroke of midnight, this 'Mr. Old Year' is set on fire.
This is done with the simple belief that a doll thus stuffed have bad
memories or sadness associated with them, and that the burning of
these will help one to do away with all past grief's and usher in
happiness in life with the coming year.
4) Eating Noodles
Late on the evening of December 3 1, people of Japan would eat a bowl
of buckwheat noodles called "toshikoshisoba" ("year-crossing noodles")
and listen for the sound of the Buddhist temple bells, which were rung
108 times at midnight. The sound of these bells is said to purify the
listeners of the 108 sins or evil passions that plague every human
5) Eating 12 Grapes
In Spain people eat 12 grapes as the clock strikes midnight (one each
time the clock chimes) on New Year's Eve. This peculiar ritual
originated in the twentieth century when freak weather conditions
resulted in an unseasonable bumper harvest of grapes. Not able to
decide what to do about so many grapes at Christmas time, the King of
Spain and the grape growers came up with the idea of the New Year
6) Gifts in Shoes
In Greece children leave their shoes by the fireside on New Year's Day
(also the Festival of Saint Basil in Greece) with the hope that Saint
Basil, who was famous for his kindness, will come and fill their shoes
7) Carrying a Suitcase
In Venezuela, Argentina, Bolivia, and Mexico, those with hopes of
traveling in the New Year carry a suitcase around the house at
midnight. Some even carry it around the block to ensure traveling at
8) Burning Crackers
The people in China believe that there are evil spirits that roam the
earth. So on New Year they burn crackers to scare the evil spirits.
The doors and windows of every home in china can be seen sealed with
paper. This is to keep the evil demons out.
9) Times Square Celebrations
The first Ball Lowering celebration atop One Times Square was held on
December 31, 1907 and is now a worldwide symbol of the turn of the New
Year, seen via satellite by more than one billion people each year.
The original New Year's Eve Ball weighed 700 pounds and was 5 feet in
diameter. It was made of iron and wood and was decorated with 100
25-watt light bulbs.
It was thought that one could affect the luck they would have
throughout the coming year by what they did or ate on the first day of
the year. It is still held in some regions that special New Year foods
are the harbingers of luck. For that reason, the Dutch believe that
eating donuts on New Year's Day will bring good fortune. The hog, and
its meat, is considered lucky because it symbolizes prosperity.
Cabbage is another "good luck" vegetable that is consumed on New
Year's Day by many. Cabbage leaves are also considered a sign of
prosperity, being representative of paper currency. In some regions,
rice is a lucky food that is eaten on New Year's Day. The ancient
Persians gave New Year's gifts of eggs, which symbolized
11) Black-eyed peas
Many parts of the U.S. celebrate the new year by consuming black-eyed
peas. These legumes are typically accompanied by either hog jowls or
ham. Black-eyed peas and other legumes have been considered good luck
in many cultures.
Many cultures believe that anything in the shape of a ring is good
luck, because it symbolizes "coming full circle," completing a year's
13) Wearing new slippers
In China, many people wear in the new year a new pair of slippers that
is bought before the new year, because it means to step on the people
who gossip about you.
14) Sealed doors & windows
During new year , the doors and windows of every home in china can be
seen sealed with paper. The Chinese think that this will succeed in
keep the evil demons out.
15) Jewish New Year
The Jewish New Year is called Rosh Hashanah. It is a holy time when
Jews recall the things they have done wrong in the past, and then
promise to do better in the future. Special services are held in the
synagogues, children are given new clothes and New Year loaves are
baked to remind people of harvest time.
16) Japanese New Year
On New Year's Day in Japan, everyone gets dressed in their new
clothes. Homes are decorated with pine branches and bamboo, both of
which are considered to be the symbols of long life.
17) American resolutions
40 to 45% of American adults make one or more New Year's resolutions
each year. And these range from debt reduction to giving up bad habits
to what not? But the ones that are the most common deal with weight
loss to exercise to giving up smoking.
We hope you have enjoyed these pretty little New Year trivia's. New
year is simply the perfect time to make resolutions and make for a
fun-filled day. Take in the coming year with open arms. Have a blast!
Dad: People this is unacceptable. You have to limit the use of the phone. I do not use this phone, I use the one at the office.
Mum: Same here, I hardly use this home telephone as I use my work telephone
Son: Me too, I never use the home phone. I always use my company mobile
Maid: So - what is the problem? We all use our work telephones !!!!!!!!!!
HAVE YOU EVER BEEN GUILTY OF LOOKING AT OTHERS YOUR OWN AGE AND THINKING, 'SURELY I CAN'T LOOK THAT OLD?' WELL... YOU'LL LOVE THIS TALE FROM A WOMAN!!
I WAS SITTING IN THE WAITING ROOM FOR MY FIRST APPOINTMENT WITH A NEW DENTIST.
I NOTICED HIS DDS DIPLOMA, WHICH BORE HIS FULL NAME.
SUDDENLY, I REMEMBERED A TALL, HANDSOME, DARK-HAIRED BOY WITH THE SAME NAME HAD BEEN IN MY HIGH SCHOOL CLASS NEARLY 40 YEARS AGO. COULD HE BE THE SAME GUY THAT I HAD A SECRET CRUSH ON, WAY BACK THEN?
UPON SEEING HIM, HOWEVER, I QUICKLY DISCARDED ANY SUCH THOUGHT. THIS BALDING, GRAY-HAIRED MAN WITH THE DEEPLY LINED FACE WAS WAY TOO OLD TO HAVE BEEN MY CLASSMATE.
AFTER HE EXAMINED MY TEETH, I ASKED HIM
IF HE HAD ATTENDED MORGAN PARK HIGH SCHOOL
'YES. YES, I DID. I'M A MUSTANG,' HE GLEAMED
'WHEN DID YOU GRADUATE?' I ASKED.
HE ANSWERED, 'IN 1968. WHY DO YOU ASK?'
'YOU WERE IN MY CLASS!' I EXCLAIMED.
HE LOOKED AT ME CLOSELY.
THEN, THAT UGLY, OLD, WRINKLED, BALD, FAT, GRAY, DECREPIT S-O-B ASKED, 'WHAT DID YOU TEACH '?
1. When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it? (to be given a thought)
2. If the "black box" flight recorder is never damaged during a plane
crash, why isn't the whole airplane made out of that stuff? (very good thinking)
3. Who copyrighted the copyright symbol? (who knows)
4. Can you cry under water? (let me try)
5. Why do people say, "you've been working like adog" when dogs just sitaround all day? (I think they meant something else)
6. Why are the numbers on a calculator and a phone reversed? (God knows)
7. Do fish ever get thirsty? (let me ask and tell)
8. Can you get cornered in a round room? (by oneseyes)
9. Why do birds not fall out of trees when they sleep? (tonight I will
10. If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oilis made from
vegetables,then what is baby oil made from? (No comments)
11. What should one call a male ladybird? (Nocomments)
12. If a person suffered from amnesia and then was cured would they rememberthat they forgot? (can somebody help )
13. Can you blow a balloon up under water? (yes u can)
14. Why is it called a "building" when it is already built? (strange
15. If you were traveling at the speed of sound and you turned on your radio would you be ! Able to hear it? (got to think scientifically)
16. If you're traveling at the speed of light and you turn your
headlights on, what happens?
17. Why is it called a TV set when theres only one? (very nice)
18. Why do most cars have speedometers that go up to at least 130 when you legally can't go that fast on any road?
19. If drink & drive is not allowed why the hell they have parking in
Once he is given the money, he turns to a customer and asks, 'Did you see me rob this bank?'
The man replied, 'Yes sir, I did.'
The robber then shot him in the temple , killing him instantly.
He then turned to a couple standing next to him and asked the man, 'Did you see me rob this bank?'
The man replied, 'No sir, I didn't, but my wife did!'
Moral - When Opportunity knocks......
MAKE USE OF IT ! ;)
Take a Cigar daily - You will die 10 years early.
Drink Rum daily - You will die 30 years early.
Love Someone Truly - You will die daily.
1. A foolish man tells a woman to STOP talking, but a WISE man tells
her that she looks extremely BEAUTIFUL when her LIPS are CLOSED.
2.. One GOOD way to REDUCE Alcohol consumption :
Before Marriage - Drink whenever you are SAD
After Marriage - Drink whenever you are HAPPY
3. Three FASTEST means of Communication :
3. Tell to Woman
Need still FASTER - Tell her NOT to tell ANYONE..
4.. Love your friends not their sisters. Love your sisters not their friends.
6.. Let us be generous like this : Four Ants are moving through a forest.
They see an ELEPHANT coming towards them.
Ant 1 says : we should KILL him.
Ant 2 says : No, Let us break his Leg alone.
Ant 3 says : No, we will just throw him away from our path..
Ant 4 says : No, we will LEAVE him because he is ALONE and we are FOUR.
7. If you do NOT have a Girl Friend - You are missing SOME thing in your life.
If you HAVE a Girl Friend - You are missing EVERY thing in your life.
8.. Question : When do you CONGRATULATE someone for their MISTAKE.
Answer : On their MARRIAGE.
9. When your LIFE is in DARKNESS, PRAY GOD and ask him to free you from Darkness.
Even after you pray, if U R still in Darkness - Please PAY the ELECTRICITY BILL.
10. Why Government do NOT allow a Man to MARRY 2 Women.
Because per Constitution, you can NOT BE PUNISHED TWICE for the same Mistake.
| An Ex-Wife's Revenge|
She spent the first day packing her belongings into boxes, crates and suitcases.
On the second day, she had the movers come and collect her things.
On the third day, she sat down for the last time at their beautiful dining room table by candlelight, put on some soft background music and feasted on a pound
of shrimp, a jar of caviar and a bottle of Chardonnay.
When she had finished, she went into each and every room and deposited a few half-eaten shrimp dipped in caviar, into the hollow of the curtain rods.
She then cleaned up the kitchen and left.
When the husband returned with his new girlfriend, all was bliss for the first few days. Then slowly, the house began to smell. They tried everything;
cleaning, mopping and airing the place out.
Vents were checked for dead rodents and carpets were steamed. Air Fresheners were hung everywhere. Exterminators were brought in to set off gas canisters, during which they had to move out for a few days, and in the end even paid to replace the expensive wool carpeting.
Nothing worked. People stopped coming over to visit. Repairmen refused to work in the house. The maid quit.
Finally, they could not take the stench any longer and decided to move.
A month later, even though they had cut their price in half, they could not find a buyer for their stinky house. Word got out and eventually even the local
realtors refused to return their calls.
Finally, they had to borrow a huge sum of money from the bank to purchase a new place.
The ex-wife called the man and asked how things were going. He told her the saga of the rotting house. She listened politely and said that she missed her old
home terribly, and would be willing to reduce her divorce settlement in exchange for getting the house back.
Knowing his ex-wife had no idea how bad t he smell was, he agreed on a Price that was about 1/10th of what the house had been worth, but only if she were to sign the papers that very day.
She agreed and within the hour his lawyers delivered the paperwork.
A week later the man and his girlfriend stood smiling as they watched the moving company pack everything to take to their new home....
........including the curtain rods.
I LOVE A HAPPY ENDING, DON'T YOU?????